9 Ways to Hold Thoughtful Discussions

Is civil dialogue possible in the face of diametrically opposing views? Hilltoppers share the tools they use to engage in challenging conversations amid differing perspectives.

1. Diversify Your Sources.

Diversify your sources of information and whom you follow on social media. Think twice before following accounts that are designed to stoke outrage — ones that share attention-grabbing headlines or inflammatory video clips but offer little context.

2. Get Off Social Media Altogether

Focus on making more time for face-to-face conversations.

3. Pause for 60 Seconds

When you’re in a tense conversation, in person or online, take a deep breath before you respond. In conversations about especially charged topics, Different Together facilitators pause for 60 seconds of silence after each speaker to let others process what they’ve heard.

4. Spend Time Thinking about Your Values

Particularly for long-term dialogues — such as with a friend or family member — spend some time thinking about your own values before you engage the other person. What life experiences have shaped your views? How did you come to hold the beliefs you hold today?

5. Talk to Strangers First

Practice having conversations with strangers before you try talking politics with Uncle Jake at Thanksgiving. Look for events hosted by groups similar to Different Together — try Braver Angels and the BetterArguments Project.

6. Practice Active Listening

“You need to set aside your own biases when you’re listening to another perspective, and you need to actually absorb what  the person is saying in order to give a constructive response,” Emma Viquez '23 says.

7. Check Your Assumptions

Everyone makes snap judgments based on the hidden biases we hold. Ask yourself about the assumptions you’re making about the person you’re talking with or the group you’re learning about. What are they based on? Can you verify whether they’re accurate?

8. You're Not Required to Engage

Remember that you’re not required to engage with Uncle Jake — or anyone who is being disrespectful or insulting. “Show grace,” Chris Collins '04 says. “But if you extend grace to somebody, and that person doesn’t return it, then they have just isolated themselves from a meaningful connection. That’s the choice they have made.”

9. Have Compassion for Yourself

Have compassion for yourself as well as the other person. “When you don’t judge yourself as harshly, you can be open to not judging others harshly,” says Walter C. Long '14. “You can step into their shoes and try to experience things the way they do.”

Illustrations by Brian Stauffer